Monday, September 29, 2008

Ask Neville....


Our resident train specialist, Neville Cheestring has started his own advice column at WOP. This first story begins with Milly, 22, a duck from Herpington. This is her story....

''My hubby doesn't treat me nicely at all, he ignores me! Sometimes I wish I hadn't married him. But then one day I met Alfred Womble at the bus stop and now I can't stop thinking about him....''

''Even on the rare occassions he does kiss me and pay me attention, my mind is on Alfred...''

''I am driven to distraction, what can I do Neville?''

Neville Says: 'Well, this is a pickle of a doozy and no mistake. I feel you need to clear the decks with your husband first before even thinking of embarking on another relationship or affair. Alfred clearly is a fantasy, a beacon of light if you will in a loveless marriage. You need to first find out if Alfred feels the same about you before making any decisions. I like collecting cheese labels, do you?'

More interfering in people's lives next time Woppers!


saltysplash said...

Dear neville

My wife doesnt understand me.

She wont listen to a word I say, she just seems to mutter to herself in a foreign tongue.

Should I send her back to the phillipines and ask for my money back?

Lobster-Mitch said...

Neville Says: I've had this once, I was seeing a girl from Huddersfield, so it was the same problem with language. The way I got round this was to learn a few basic words in her tongue like 'Make the tea' and 'This beer is too warm'. I managed to extend the shelf life of our relationship by another 5 days!

Babbington said...

Err... Are we allowed to say 'Woppers' on here?

One could of course substitute the word with 'Bristols', given the right context... but, thinking about it, could that not also be seen as an insult to those who lend their habitudinal location to the phrase?

Hmm.. .I really haven't thought this through, have I?!

saltysplash said...

Many fanks advice proved invaluable.... My native that the right spelling? of the fillipino tongue is now advanced to uminom ng mangyaring.

All is well and my glass is never empty

Lobster-Mitch said...

Neville Says: It's good to help out! I too am optimistic, my thermos flask is always half full. My mom does that for me of course!