Barry's Book Corner

Fresh from his extended Christmas/New Year break which took in mustard fighting in Wolverhampton, Barry Bitumen - our resident literary genius - is back on track. Actually, saying that, things did not get off to the best of starts this year as, upon his return, Barry was confronted on the doorstep of his two-bed semi in Rochester by not one but all six of his ex-wives!

Sadly Linda, Diane, Rachel, Susan, Esther and Peter (don't ask) were not there to hand over belated Christmas cards. No, they were fully intent on laying claim to their individual shares of the house, clubbing together to organise one big house-share arrangement. Unfortunately for Barry, the collective total of these individual shares added up to 97% ownership.

So, with new horizons literally 'out there', our man has been busily cleaning out his posessions and clearing up after himself for fear of receiving a beating if he leaves even a single hair in the plug hole! With this in mind, then, this month's inspired recommendation is the Readers' Digest "How To Clean Just About Anything"... which, understandably, can currently be found in the shower cubicle.


Says Barry, "Apparently, bloodstains can be successfully removed from carpets by covering them with a mix of flour and cold water and rubbing gently, drying by turning up the radiators, then brushing off the paste once it has dried. Well that's very interesting... very interesting indeed. I must make a note of that...."

Er...

Wise words indeed, Barry. We wish you the best of luck with your ongoing domestic struggles at what must surely be a very stressful time, and we look forward to next month's not-at-all disturbing recommendation.

Barry's Book Corner

This month, Barry's recommendation has been very much inspired by the events of last weekend's poot-fest, here at WOP HQ. With so much 'entertainment' on offer, he was surely spoilt for choice!

And so... this outing's recommendation is none other than "Practical Jokes To Play On Her", as published by Kudos.

Fittingly, this little gem can be found subtly wedged on top of a whoopie cushion, sneakily hidden within a living room sofa - no doubt just waiting for a poor unsuspecting victim to 'discover' it!

Clearly, our man is easily pleased. Once he had stopped laughing at the sounds of fabricated flatulence, we were able to extract his summing-up: "Sometimes, you just can't beat the classics. Forget all your i-dongs and megapips, tradition is the bedrock of good, clean home entertainment!"

Wise words indeed, Barry, and we look forward to next month's glowing recommendation.

Barry's Book Corner

This month, Barry Bitumen brings us his recommendation along with an apology...

Some of our sharper-eyed readers will have noticeed that Barry was strangely silent for the duration of last month, and so did not not offer a book suggestion. He still maintains that this was due to 'personal circumstances', but we suspect he was just simply engrossed in his work and lost track of the time.

Naturally we approached him for his submission but, ironically enough, were greeted with that old chestnut of an excuse, "My dog ate it!" Ironic, you see, because this belated recommendation is none other than Elliott Erwitt's "Dog Dogs" - which, naturally, can be found taking up your warm, cosy space on the sofa, right next to the fire!

Now, Barry likes to keep one eye on the WOP, and it has not gone unnoticed that we have a dog fancier (er... is that the right terminology?) in our midst. So our latest 'anonymous' friend will no doubt be overjoyed by the pictures contained within this post! Besides, with a request stating "can we have more dog images plz? i'd love you for it :))", how could our bookworm resist?!


And Mr. Bitumen's comment this time around?: "This is, quite literally, the mutt's... book! And what's more, you know, it's almost as if this recommendation was contrived!"

Wise words indeed, Barry. We wish you all the best in handling your, um, 'personal circumstances', and look forward to your current recommendation - to be submitted on time! - later this month.

Neville's Bat-Blooper!

As reported in WOP News earlier this week:
(click to enlarge)

Forever under the misguieded belief that it is a good thing to make a 'striking and dramatic' entrance to public events, our star of the recent 'Bat Nev' blockbuster - Neville Cheestring - somehow managed to convince the owners of the original 1989 Bat Man car to let him drive their machine to the recent Pride of Britain awards.

He neglected to tell them that he only has a provisional licence... and that being for use only with agricultural machinery. More alarming, perhaps, is that at no point did the owners think to check Neville's credentials. Oh, the humanity!

Having taken the second-to-last corner of his approach at a stealthy 11 miles per hour, Nev proceeded to career straight across the following corner, up the facing pavement (making a brief visit to a flower boarder containing a range of hardy perennials), before travelling backwards for 15 metres - at which point he came to rest in an uncannily tidy fashion on the red carpet.

When asked by reporters for his immediate thoughts, Neville said simply "Well... It's not not like my beloved Massey Ferguson, that's for sure. Not in the slightest! Just before the corner, I had a bit of bother getting to grips with the knob thingy - I can always find my knob thingy in the Massey".

Poor old Nev - he really doesn't help himself, does he?!

Barry's Book Corner

This month, our intrepid book boffin - Barry Bitumen - is out to entertain... and impress!

Having commandeered the South Wing pantry here at World Of Poot HQ, he has been rummaging deeply through his arsenal of cookery books... and can now happily recommend "Finger Food" - one of many editions in the Austrailian Women's Weekly series of no-frills, easy-cook, cook books. Should you wish to follow in Barry's culinary footsteps, this volume can be found - where else but?! - in the oven:


Clearly, this one speaks for itself. However, Barry did ask that readers also admire his collection of freshly-picked cucumbers, adding "Get a load of these beauties! They'll be perfect for my 'cucumber rounds with herbed cream cheese'... that's on page 77!"


Wise words indeed, Barry. We wish you the best of luck with your endeavours and look forward to your glowing recommendation next month.

Barry's Book Corner

This month, Barry Baitumen has been in a very philosophical frame of mind. Unsure of his roots, where he came from - and indeed where he is going - he has been in heavily contemplative mood, reaching deep into himself as well as the Book Corner library.

His pick of the bunch this time around is "Darwin" by Adrian Desmond & James Moore - which is suitably located outdoors, surrounded by nature (in the form of the WOP veggie patch):


Barry was 'unavailable for comment' when we tried to press him for a few words. All he could say as he fled across the car park was "Why?! Why?! I just don't know what to make of it all!".

Wise words indeed, Barry - and we look forward to your next glowing recommendation.

Barry's Book Corner

Today's recommendation from our resident bookworm, Barry Bitumen, is that well-known tome "Gibbon's The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire" by D.M. Low - which can be found on the staircase, in the corner just before you turn left to go up onto the landing.


Says Barry, "I particularly enjoyed the start of paragraph two on page 508, which reads 'Athanasius introduced into Rome the knowledge and practice of the monastic life...' Yes, that was a good bit, that."

Wise words indeed, and we look forward to the next exciting installment to come from the shelves of the the Book Corner library.

Here at WOP HQ, we were particularly impressed by the condition of the carpet, given that it hasn't been hoovered for months.