What could be more quintessentially British than the good old-fashioned English country garden, eh?!
Well, I don't have one of those. But I do have a veggie patch. OK, so I don't have one of them either - but I do have a few pots, tubs and troughs dotted about outside the kitchen, into which I have planted various veggies. And with such precision that there now appears to be a fine crop developing.
Look, you're missing the point here. The thing is, I have slugs. At least, that's what I assume I have. Certainly, the lettuces (or should that be letti? lettuci?) aren't too chuffed. Sure they have sun and water (no speed boat, but then what would they do with one of those?!). Trouble is, sun and water ain't no good if you're being devoured daily.
Actually, thinking about it, if lettuces/letti/lettuci did have a speed boat, they could plan an escape during a heavy rain storm. Ooh, that's a point - how about a sailing boat? We have lots of wind in this country (poot!). Ooh, ooh, ooh, I've got it! Air balloons. That's what lettuces/letti/lettuci need. It's obvious, when you think about it. Isn't it? Ah. Maybe it's just me then.
But I digress...
The point is this: some low-down, good-for-nothing, slimey garden-based creature, some thieving tea leaf, has been helping itself to our lettuces/letti/lettuci. I've yet to find the culprit, but when I do... er... oh.
I'll probably just move it to one side. I'm not an animal.